Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Consoler of the Lonely

When I've been studying consistently for long periods of 10 hour days at the library since June...a song starts to creep in my mind.

Consoler Of The Lonely
by the Raconteurs...

"Haven't had a decent meal
My brain is fried
Haven't slept a week for real
My tongue is tied

Lightbulbs are getting dim
My interests are starting to wane
I'm told it's everything a man could want
And I shouldn't complain

Conversations getting dull
There's a constant ringing in my ears
Sense of humor's void and numb

And I'm bored to tears"

Seriously. This is how the past few days have been. Rough.

"haven't had a decent meal" check

Nope, I haven't. Just seven eleven hot dogs and slurpees daily.

"My brain is fried" check

Like I said...10 hour days.

"Haven't slept a week for real" check

Not that I sleep that great normally anyways, but this week has been particularly rough getting my little mind to shut off and quit thinking about the different circulatory systems of invertebrates...I'm not joking.

"Sense of humor's void and numb" check

I watched a friends episode the other day and could barely crack a smile. Those who know me real well now know the severity of my exhaustion.

Preparing for the PCAT and sending in applications has been such an emotionally exhausting process. Danny and are applying to...a ridiculous amount of schools. 23 each. I submit my application through a organization called PharmCas which takes all of my info and shoots it off to all of the schools I picked. Not bad right? No, each school requires separate applications (i.e. fees) for your "full" application to be reviewed.

Included in this "application" are my transcripts, letters of recommendation from professors and pharmacists, more money, community service, research hour, the PCAT score and your personal statement.

I knew all of this was coming but the part that was the hardest was to write the personal statement. Trying to "jump of the page" while only highlighting your good qualities and still seeming humble is quite the task. I felt like I was essentially pouring my heart and soul into 4500 characters (including spaces and punctuation) and trying to convince these people to accept me.

Then each school wants a supplemental application. More money, more retelling of service, research and self-boasting (sure self-boasting is a word) but they would like these to all be redone and not be repeats of what they heard in the application they received from PharmCas. Apparently they want me to get really creative in talking about myself.

Sorry this is getting really boring I know. But it is my life.

Why this sudden out pour of information and frustration? I took my PCAT today.

How did I do?

Well I got about average to a little above average. Most would think I'd be pretty happy with that...not really considering I had a couple of practice tests where they would have put me in the top 15%. I'm not sad or glad with how it turned out. It is all relative. If I get in, then it was awesome. If I don't...then it sucked. Obviously I'm being dramatic and my acceptance is based on a lot more than the PCAT but today it feels like the most important part.

I can't wait for the day that I don't have to worry about some random board of admissions accepting me.

My physics TA from a year ago is Thad him you won't be disappointed I promise. He is brilliant. And a book just came out about his adventure called, "Sex on the Moon" by Ben Mezrich. (Same author that wrote "Bringing down the house" (book that turned into the movie 21) and "The Accidental Billionaires" (book that turned into The Social Network). I am serious google Thad Roberts. Great story. Anyways we were talking to him yesterday and he was asking how studying was going. And he said, "Man, I remember back when all I had to think about was getting the right acceptance from the right people. Don't worry, eventually you'll be able to not give a shit about whether anyone accepts you. It's awesome."

I realized that whether I get in or not I will eventually get to this feeling of not caring whether or not someone accepts me. But right now this is all I have to think about. And I won't even hear from schools about my fate for months...some possibly even next year.

So...the limbo land continues. Just have to wait it out.

By the way, wish Danny luck. He takes his DAT on Friday.

OH! And hey at least my sister is coming home this weekend and we are going to Katy Perry in Idaho...I'm stoked.

My final thought...Florida please let me in. I even more my UF t-shirt today. Hopefully that counts for something.